Shinigami Haken Kyoukai DEATH
by yukinomonogatari
Summary: Just an average workday in the life of Grell Sutcliffe. Of course, every day is exciting for such a passionate shinigami woman.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Grell is canonically a pre-operation male-to-female transgender woman. This fact is one oft-ignored by the fandom because she has a male voice actor, and due to transphobia or plain ignorance. Grell has extreme gender dysphoria, a medical condition where the gender assigned at birth doesn't match a person's perceived gender. This was documented even in the 1880s, when Grell is introduced, in cases like the Chevalier d'Eon (who lived as a woman and was accepted as such by the king despite being physically male) and Karl Heinrich Ulrich's idea of a female psyche in a male body. Grell always refers to herself using female pronouns and talks in a feminine manner, especially evident in the Japanese version. Grell also wears makeup and female clothes; gender is not determined by genitalia but is a psychological and sociological construction, and Grell identifies in every way as a lady. She strongly empathizes with Madam Red as Grell yearns to be a mother but is limited by her physical gender. However, her coworkers are blatantly disrespectful of Grell's identity, but the fandom still needs to respect Grell for who she is as a person. You can't be a true fan of Grell if you insult her gender identification. In the Kuroshitsuji Character Guide, Grell states that "what...has been my biggest complaint since birth is that I am not a woman [physically]. Really, I think God made a mistake...That's why right now, the thing I want to do most is have sex change. I'm serious you know?" Since this is canon, please refer to Grell with the correct female pronouns and don't troll with a comment that she is 'male.'

Grell Sutcliffe POV

Chapter 1

Mornings are never easy. Perpetually sleeping through my anachronistic alarm clock, I'm always in a rush to ready myself before stepping into the workplace. What can I say? Girls need their beauty sleep.

This morning particularly the simple act of opening my eyes is a chore. Spending the night with Ronald Knox is never a good idea, especially when said night takes place at a bar-again. For a tough woman, I'm very alcohol intolerant.

I have a half-hour to throw on some clothes then apply makeup. I had a mani and pedi two days ago, brushing up the red coat, and my altered uniform was dry-cleaned then. It's a good thing I'll be presentable when my love-and boss-William T. Spears evaluates us today. Usually, we only see him on Fridays, since Management has a separate workplace. We Dispatch must be on our best behavior today, and it's essential that I show up to work on time.

I am a very hard worker, but I don't usually bother to rein in my behavior. Besides me, the London Dispatch consists of Knox; Alan Humphries, and his boyfriend Eric Slingby. Only Eric is older than me-my age surpasses Will's by a few years-but everyone except Alan is blatantly disrespectful to me. Even people from other branches slur my gender and flamboyancy. I can't tell you how many dirty looks I've gotten for admitting my love of the shinigami enemy, a demon. I'm self-confident enough to accept myself and ignore the rudeness, but there is one thing I can't handle.

In Victorian England, humans can be arrested for cross-dressing, so it shouldn't be surprising that I can't physically become a girl. My heart and soul are female, but my body is stuck in the ugly form of a male. Being trapped in the wrong body is living in a cage; daily torture, a crippling sickness where everyone looks at you and sees a lie. At least my strong loves and enjoyable job give me a reason to smile.

Due to the discrepancy between my true self and this body, I am treated as a male. The one benefit is that only males are allowed to be Dispatch, but I still want to gouge their eyeballs out with my crimson safety scissors whenever someone refers to me with male pronouns. All southern London shinigami live in this building, which we affectionately refer to as 'the Library.' Not only does this behemoth building contain our workplaces and Death Lists, there are our rooms ('offices') and the production workplaces for our glasses and death scythes.

Many shinigami live in the Library together...but I'm forced to live among males! I'm a straight woman so I appreciate the beautiful bodies of the males in my species. However, I have to share the showers with Knox, Alan, and Eric. I view Knox as my annoying little brother, so I'm not attracted to him. And since Alan's nice to me, I won't get in the way of his relationship with Eric. I refuse to bathe with them because this body is just so shameful and I'm not comfortable revealing it to someone who doesn't understand.

Well, Grell's done throwing a pity party for herself. Setting down my stuffed doll, I peel off my silken red pajamas and give a longing glance to the daring dresses hanging tantalizingly in my closet, but instead pull on my slacks, waistcoat, and striped bowtie. I don't know why a drab suit is acceptable to other shinigami, so my uniform sports heels, glasses with skull chains, and Madam Red's jacket. Red is the color of passion and blood, after all.

I spend a good twenty minutes dabbing on make-up, putting on heavy eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, and blush. Today's an occasion for going all-out with the makeup; girls always dress our best when we flaunt it in front of our loves. Will, darling, here I come~!

When I fling open my door and prepare to run to the office in the five minutes remaining, water suddenly soaks me. A metal bucket rolls to a stop at my drenched feet. "_Kuso_! Knox, next time that bucket will be filled with your blood, and I'll shove it up your-" Oh, but there's no time to rant now. Anyway, everyone is already sitting in the workplace, socializing until 8 o'clock rolls around. I really hope Will doesn't check the times we clocked in. This past week, I've arrived at about 9. On Monday I overslept, Tuesday I had a massive hangover (again due to Knox), Wednesday I was dreaming about Sebas-chan, and yesterday I just didn't feel like being on time. I really was planning on being on time today, but I need to dry off first. I can only hope that I make it in before 9, when Will shows up.

I sit in my chair with a frown on my face as I blowdry my hair then slowly brush it. I should have known Knox would attempt to get revenge on me. Yesterday during lunch we were playing Truth or Dare. I didn't dare Knox to kiss Will-Will is mine and that's too conventional-but Knox did get unpaid overtime. Why? With my dare, Knox took his lawnmower out for a joyride and accidentally killed a few humans not on the Death List. Thankfully he didn't confess my involvement, but I should have realized he would get me back for it. Last time I dared him to spank Eric with Alan's death scythe. That ended in a mass of bruises induced by Eric for the both of us. Good thing shinigami heal fast. Knox should know by now not to listen to me, but at least someone does.

I reapply my makeup then look at the clock. 8:45 already?! My thoughts keep distracting me and making me slow, but it doesn't help that I had to change my clothes and brush out my super-long hair. Knox, prepare to taste scythe!

I skid into the office, clock in time at 8:53, then grab my death scythe off the wall. "He's late again," Eric smirks while sifting through paperwork.

"I'm a _she_," I hiss, but I'll deal with that jerk later. "Knox!"

"Grell-senpai, why are you pointing that thing at me?" He asks nervously. I run at the orange-headed shinigami with my chainsaw revved and he jumps over his desk. I jump too, but when one foot lands on the desk, my scythe is jerked out of my hands. Losing my balance, I fall off the desk. I land face-first onto the ground and my glasses crack. That pain, humiliation, and ruining of my appearance is too much to bear.

"_Knox_," I moan. "You'll suffer for this."

"Grell, couldn't you manage to be productive at least once? You've been late every day this week, and your behavior is out-of-bounds. Once again, you're relegated to safety scissors. If we weren't so short on staff, I wouldn't let you reap today," A deep voice reprimands that I immediately recognize as Will.

"You're early," I mutter, slowly sitting up. I thought I would have enough time to dole revenge on Knox before our boss arrived, but I guess I was wrong and now lost my chainsaw again because of it. I see that he nabbed by chainsaw with his death scythe, which is what caused me to fall.

"Five minutes? That's called being on time." Will sighs as he sinks into my chair. "Okay, who gave Grell the passwords to his parental controls? He was watching porn during work hours."

"_Her_ parental controls," I correct, but everyone ignores me as per usual.

"Sorry," Knox says, blushing. "But he bribed me-"

"_She_ bribed you-"

"And Ronald, you spent the whole morning yesterday playing Tetris," Will says in a judgmental tone. "I'm very disappointed. As usual, Alan and Eric were being productive."

"That isn't porn; yaoi is a legitimate genre of anime," I point out.

"She's right; I watch yaoi all the time," Alan says without thinking. "But never at work!" He quickly adds, flustered. In fact, I convinced Alan to watch one episode with me yesterday, but he doesn't need to get in trouble.

"Get to work!" Will raises his voice. "No talking unless absolutely necessary!"

I raise my hand sheepishly. Ugh...this day that was meant to be impressive is turning out a disaster. "Um...William-san? Can I go get my glasses fixed? I can't see without them..."

After glaring at me for what seems like five minutes, my boss gives a slight nod. "Don't make any detours, and come _straight back_ afterward."

"Yes, I'll hurry," I say as I run out of the room. I make a quick stop at the bathroom and attempt to staunch my bleeding cheek.

A secretary comes out of her stall and glares at me as she washes her hands. "The boys' bathroom is in the other direction," She says dryly.

"That could possibly be the worst pick-up line I've ever heard," I say, offended. "And at least I _earn_ my paycheck instead of flirting with the boys all day." Although I fantasize about my loves during work, I am still productive.

"I'll report you," She warns as she leaves the bathroom with a flick of her hair.

Report _what_? Girls use the girls' bathroom. What a revelation. I blow her a sarcastic kiss and strut down the hallway.

"You broke your glasses again, Grell-san?" The man who makes shinigami glasses smiles as he looks up from the pair of boring glasses he is polishing. "What happened this time?"

"I got Knox in trouble, so of course he had to be petty and make me late to work. I tried to attack him, but William-san stopped me, so I fell off a desk and the ground decided to break my glasses. Yeah, not the best day."

He hands me a new pair of my special red glasses. "Good thing I had these ready," He comments. I thank him and put them on. Good as new. "Now, I know _just_ the thing that'll brighten your day," He continues, shuffling through his desk. Sebas-chan hidden in that closet? "Ah." I am handed a My Little Pony band-aid. Although this TV show won't be invented for over a hundred years, I gratefully use the _kawaii_ band-aid to cover my cut. Blood is beautiful, but Will doesn't approve of open wounds in the workplace.

Back in the office, I sink into my plush chair that Will has vacated and begin grabbing papers. Will is now 'checking' my computer, but he is probably playing Tetris. On Fridays, we have to write a report on the souls we've reaped this week. For me, the number is awfully large. At least all these people were on the Death List so I don't get in more trouble.

Lissa Varens. Born December 17, 1863. Died July 10, 1888, of bronchitis. No further comments. Marcus Allicard. Born January 28, 1850. Died July 8, 1888, of stab wounds. No further comments. Kennedy Seth. Born October 3, 1854. Died July 9, 1888, during childbirth. No further comments.

These reports are mind-numbing and easily completed on autopilot, so I open my mind to a welcome topic: love. I can remember clearly the two nights that pangs of love blossomed in my heart. I started falling for Will when we were on our first shinigami mission together. He reaped a man that I thought deserved to live, and he beat the crap out of me when I protested. The way those strong hands inflicted damage on my body is enough to bring a blush to my cheeks and a healthy appetite for more. Now, though, I have no qualms about reaping. It's my job, and the death of humans is hardly a memorable event. When are there ever further comments?

Then there is Sebas-chan. When I was helping Jack the Ripper, I didn't expect to run into a demon. Shinigami and demons are inherent enemies; we judge souls fairly, but demons ravenously devour souls, giving them no chance to do whatever souls do when their vessel dies. Fighting Sebas-chan was such a turn-on, and my love for him bloomed instantaneously. He is so beautiful, so stoic, so strong, so perfect. He unintentionally showed me who I really am; that was when I was a person who didn't know whether they were male or female, an existence trapped in purgatory, but I realized that humans are never good enough. I killed Madam Red, and I buried any romantic notions I might have toward girls, realizing that I am instead a girl myself.

"Grell," Will says warningly. "You should be working on your reports, not drawing hearts in your notebook."

I look down and find that my hands have traced a heart with my name in the center attached to Will and Sebas-chan. Well, I guess I don't mind a three-way. "William-san, I apologize. I can make it up to you after work?" I grin at the suggestive words, exposing my pointed teeth-filed to perfection every night-and raise my eyebrows.

He shivers and strides away. "Just don't do it again." Ahn, my boss is so cute with that stern expression!

Knox, in a desk opposite mine, stretches his arms above his head and yawns conspicuously. My anger towards him has cooled somewhat, but if he repeats his action I can't guarantee that the punishment will leave him alive. My fingers yearn to stroke my big ol' death scythe, but all I have to finger are two red scissors. Will, what does it take to stay in your favor?

I attempt to make progress on my report, but a paper airplane lands on my notebook. Curious, I quietly unfold the paper that seems to be an old Death List under my desk. In Knox's barely legible scrawl, I read 'Sebastian infiltrated this building.' I wouldn't expect a word like 'infiltrated' to be in that playboy's vocabulary, unless he's talking about infiltrating someone's butt. Although I question the legitimacy of this report, I can't ignore this valuable tip. Screw work if Sebas-chan's in the vicinity!

I blow Will a kiss as I stride to the door. "Grell, where are you going?" He asks. "You need permission to leave."

"Sorry, no time to talk, Sebas-chan's waiting," I call over my shoulder, winking, as I run from the room. Too late to stop me now! Let the game begin. What will happen first, Romeo and Juliet reuniting or a return to dull paperwork? Yep, every workday is this exciting for me.

As I skid and turn a corner, I hear footsteps. Is Will coming after me himself? Oh, I'm so flattered-

"I am going to _kill _you for wasting my time," Eric calls. Oh. This is not okay. When Eric's angry, I get hurt. Since I'm not attracted to him, that's not something I want. Plus, I don't have my death scythe, and scissors aren't really going to help protect me from this freak. Last time that sadist throttled me, I was in bed for a week, healing. That's saying something when we heal 10 times faster than humans. I don't want any injuries now; I've already had to apply makeup twice this morning.

I dodge as a saw is shoved into the wall that I just passed. The hallway is deserted besides Eric and I, and I notice a door. While he struggles with freeing his scythe from the wall, I enter a room full of them. I'll get in trouble later for entering, but self-defense holds up in a court of law. Not that we shinigami have one, but-

"Not a smart place to run," Eric taunts, throwing a spear at my head. I'm able to duck and secure a weed whacker. As I fumble with the on-off switch, he gives me a really creepy smile as he strides towards me with saw in hand. No denying that both of us love bloodlust.

Now is probably not a good time to mention that death scythes are about the only things that can kill shinigami.

Yes, it's on! I wildly swing the churning weed whacker at his throat, but he grabs it with his bare hands and jerks hard. Caught off balance, my hands slip and I almost collapse to the ground. Again without a weapon, I kick at his crotch, the weakness for even tough men like him. High heels are the best weapons for girls.

Eric grunts but isn't swayed. _Oh _no…He grabs a fistful of my hair with bloody hands, and I squeal. Spare me! His death scythe slowly moves towards my scalp, and I close my eyes in fright. Is he actually going to kill me this time?

Suddenly the older shinigami lets go, and I fall to the ground in a heap. "Alan told me that any injuries you get he'll have to reciprocate on me," He says, shrugging. "You need to be kicked once in a while, but I don't want to hurt Alan's feelings." His left fist unclenches and a piece of paper flutters to my lap. The back side of Knox's note: _JK_. Okay, Knox is going to pay for tricking me about Sebas-chan. I don't want Eric's blood in my hair! "Now you are going to come back to work without a word," He says menacingly. I stick my tongue out but comply.

"Sorry, Grell-senpai," Knox says, giggling, as we enter the room.

"After work, you are coming to my room," I order.

"Uh…" Knox frowns, unsure of what such a request would entail.

"Ronald and Grell! What is with your petty rivalry? It is disrupting work!" Will cuts in.

"Sorry, but we're just trying to have fun," Knox explains.

"With that _thing_? I'd rather do paperwork." Well, that was pretty harsh, Will. Although you and paperwork are friends with benefits, you don't have to demean the wonderful being that is me. I mean, I'd _gladly _give you the same high that finishing work does.

As the clock chimes 12 PM, Knox yells "Lunch time!" We hand our completed (well, mostly. A for effort?) reports to Will and head to the cafeteria.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Shinigami eat human food, which isn't really fair. A soul sure sounds tasty. I skip the main course of chicken, not because I'm a vegetarian, but because eating healthy maintains a fine figure. It's hypocritical for a shinigami to be vegetarian-we kill people, so naturally the death of animals is just as inconsequential-but Alan is. Alan is so nice that it must really hurt him every time he reaps someone's soul. I'm worried about his softness-shinigami can contract a disease called the Thorns of Death, and pity for souls is a major warning sign. My friend is healthy now, but I'll be vigilant and make sure nothing happens to him.

I sit across from Alan and ask him about his reports. Alan says there was one girl that he thought could benefit the world by finding a cure to a disease, so he let her live. "Alan-san, that's a big decision. I hope that you judged her without emotion," I say. Eric glares at me for criticizing his boyfriend, but Alan nods thoughtfully.

Knox plops his tray on top of mine and sits in my lap. Yeah, no. I grab his arms and throw him over my head. He shrieks like a five-year-old spoiled princess as he lands in the middle of the next table. The secretaries glare at him, then at me. I hope I didn't break any bones.

"Sutcliffe!" Will yells from across the lunchroom. "Your behavior is once again completely inappropriate! Apologize to everybody, now!" Oh, Will, it's endearing that you're such a drama queen. Big deal, I tossed a coworker across the lunch room.

Rolling my eyes discreetly, I stand up. By now the talking and eating has stopped as critical eyes fasten upon me. "I apologize for being so attractive that everyone wants to clamber into my lap. Please refrain yourself as I am the fiancée of a demon. Thank you, and have a good lunch."

Alan starts laughing as I sit back down. "You sure have a knack for incurring William-san's wrath, don't you?"

If Alan's laughing, that must have been a good performance. After all, I am a first-rate actress. Knox sits by me, this time avoiding the lap. "That actually hurt really badly," He complains. "Next time you're going to throw me, could you at least give a little warning? I love those secretaries, but they don't want my butt in their potato salad."

"It gives the potato salad a distinctive flavor," I argue. "Next time they eat it, they'll remember the contours of your butt with a fond grin."

Alan smiles at me. "Grell-san, you should start a comedy show."

Eric internally seethes when his boyfriend pays me more attention than him, but he manages to wear a smile. "_Anyway_-"

"So, let's play a guessing game," Knox interrupts. "Grell-senpai is pregnant! Who's the father?" Will strides over to our table, probably to drag me out of the room by my hair. Again. "Was it you, William-senpai?" Knox asks.

"Please put me out of my misery," Eric pleads to his boss, head in hands.

"_Sutcliffe_," Will growls, voice dangerously low. "I've told you countless times today that you must behave! You are reflecting really poorly on my records as a leader. After work today, stop by my office." Ooh, do I get a promotion? It's not like he can fire me, and I don't mind if Will yells at me. Maybe he wants to…_touch_ me in that drab and organized office of his.

Excitement always causes me to lose my composure/sanity. For some reason, I'm tempted to say something really stupid to Will. As he walks away, that chance becomes slimmer. Don't say it. No, don't say it, Grell. Do not remind him! Well, I never pretended to have self-control. "At least I got better grades than you!" Whoops.

My duck is well-timed so that Will's death scythe hits Eric in the forehead instead of me. Eric curses, loudly, as blood drips down his face. Will's face turns a dangerous shade of mauve, like he is having a heart attack, but he turns on his heel and strides out of the room before the situation can get worse. Besides having blood in my luscious hair, I now have mashed potatoes too. I excuse myself to clean my hair. I also left because…well, Eric needs some breathing time, and I'm not a shinigami punching bag unless you qualify to touch me.

Grell causes trouble anywhere she goes-and it's fun living that way!-but at least there are no incidents this time as I pretty myself by the girl's bathroom mirror.

"Grell-san, can you please apologize to Eric-san?" Alan says as I get back. I see that he is wiping the blood off his not-amused boyfriend's face with a napkin. OMG, that is so cute! I ship it~ Thankfully, I manage to withhold the _awwwww_ that this situation demands. Oh, I guess this means a sincere apology instead of my infamous sarcastic ones. "Eric-san…I am sorry…for…um…" What did I do this time? "Indirectly injuring you. And earlier today, I wasted your time…so, in other words, I will try to act normal in front of you. Not, like, _my_ normal, but like…" Is there anyone in this room that qualifies as normal?

"Don't make a promise you can't keep," Eric says, bored.

"Hey, she's trying," Alan protests. "Shh!" He puts his finger to Eric's luscious lips and my yaoi-meter gets hot. Please lick his finger.

"Okay," I try. "I should not have acted idiotic today." Although it wasn't really _my_ fault. "I was being rude to you-" Indirectly. "And I need to consider your feelings more."

"How do you think I'm feeling right now?" Eric asks with a tight smile thinly veiling anger.

"You probably want to kill me," I guess. And…other things. Violent things that will upset his boyfriend's innocent ears.

"Correct!" Eric beams.

"Hey!" Alan looks scandalized at the suggestion.

"Now that the animosity has dwindled," Knox begins. Again, where does he get words like 'animosity' and 'dwindled'? Did he steal a dictionary from Will's room? "I have a present for you guys." He pulls a bottle of wine out of his pants. I don't want to know what that bottle touched.

The bottle is empty, however. We all know Knox is a partier, but he wouldn't be stupid enough to get drunk right before we reap humans. Would he? "We are going to play spin the bottle now that we're done eating!" _I _didn't touch a bite of my food, but I suppose dieting will help my weight.

"Not interested," Eric says flatly.

"Oh?" I challenge. "It's okay, Knox, the wimp can leave."

"Hmph. I'm not a wimp; I just have no need for childish games." I do realize that Eric is not a wimp; legend has it that he wears blue-tinted glasses because he's so hot that if he looks directly into a mirror, his eyes will melt. Also, he kills people with a saw. A _saw_. That requires immense strength, not to mention viciousness. However, no tough boy is going to back down from this girl's challenge.

"He's too afraid to play," I giggle, wishing I had a fan to snap in front of my face. That's something I'll have to buy (read: mug from a corpse) when we interact with humans today. "I will play one game if it means that much to you," Eric amends. "And of course you'll owe me for this favor, Grell." Alan looks down nervously, frowning. If he didn't want to play, he should have said something! I mean, I'm not going to make fun of my _friends_. Er, I guess that should be 'friend'.

"Alan-senpai gets to spin the bottle!" Knox declares joyously.

"What?" I gasp simultaneously with Alan. I thought it was going to be me! Alan blanches.

"If Alan-san doesn't want to, I'll do it," I quickly interject.

He shakes his head. "No, it's okay, Grell-san. I can't let Eric-san have all the glory." He gives me a nervous smile as his trembling fingers grab the bottle. Knox, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick up dating games from humans you flirt with?

Nervously tucking brown hair behind his ear, Alan lets fate decide who he'll kiss.

The bottle ignores both Knox and I, gesturing towards Eric.

Alan blushes furiously. Um…what? Alan, you shouldn't be embarrassed about love. It is obvious the way those chartreuse eyes widen whenever he gives Eric a quick smile, and the heart-melting look returned, that their connection is above infatuation. They are clearly, madly in love. However, have I guessed incorrectly; have both of them been too stubborn to confess? Alan, you and I are going to have a little talk about opening your heart to the man you love.

"Come on, kiss him! Lunch ends in five minutes, then back to work we go," Knox prods. Knox, be quiet. They are having a moment here that I need to witness.

Alan talks a deep breath and looks up at his love from beneath brown bangs. "Erica," Eric breathes, grasping Alan's hands. Hmm? What could 'Erica' mean? Alan smiles as Eric pulls him onto his lap. Alan's eyes sparkle despite his flushed cheeks as Eric's hand grasps his chin. Tilting Alan's chin up, the two shinigami share a look of such sincere happiness and tender love that I almost faint. I fangirl, breath quickening and heart jumping-imagining Sebas-chan and I in such a position-and fall off the bench. When I stand up, the two men across from me are liplocked. Mmm…Alan and Eric are such a cute couple!

Knox, I gotta hand it to you; you do know how to throw a good time (for all the fangrells).

Alan's eyes open wide when the bell jars his peace. Breaking apart, Alan blushes again as he realized who witnessed that sacred moment. Eric is selectively nice, apparently, but I fall onto his "waste-of-time" list. I guess he doesn't like girls.

"Bye, Grell-san, Ronald-san, Eric-san," Alan says quickly, hurrying from the lunchroom.

Knox blows me a kiss as he leaves and dodges my half-hearted punch, then Eric also strides towards the exit. I hurry after Eric, but my pursuit isn't secretive with clanking high heels. "So…do you _like_ Alan-san?" I ask after sidling up to him.

"What, did you think I was straight?" Eric gives me a bemused look, apparently in too good of a mood after The Kissto insult me. It is evident that he is gay; open collar, cornrowed-hair, swag-but that wasn't the question I was asking.

"Well, how was The Kiss?" I continue, jealous.

"Sutcliffe, that's not something you ask people," Eric says. "Romance is a private matter. There, take my advice. If you weren't so direct, maybe Sebastian wouldn't want to throw up whenever he sees your face."

Ignoring his snide comment, I ask, "Why don't you marry Alan already?" I already have your honeymoon present planned out.

"Again, that isn't a question you should ask people," he replies. "Honestly, I don't know how a centenarian can be so clueless when it comes to life." Hey, are you calling me old? I still have the womanly charms of youth! "If you have another question, my scythe will be happy to answer it for you." A threat from Eric, how wonderful. Well, I suppose I should get to work and make Will proud.

I'm the last one to collect my scythe before heading outside. Will hung my chainsaw on its hook, and obviously I'm going to take it. I hope he'll forget that I've been downgraded to scissors today.

Reaping souls is always a good way to blow off steam, and my much pent-up sexual energy. Killing is a macabre art that humanity is afraid to embrace. Weak beings battling death pointlessly with souls endangered by demons and angels; I can never hope to understand them.

I've long since forgotten what it was like to see the potential in that desperate species. Humans just don't have enough spark. When I masqueraded as one of them, I was awed by the difficulty in maintaining an organized life, but also the lack of purpose behind ambitions. Why get a job? To get money. Why get money? To feed oneself. Why feed oneself? To live. Why live? They could never answer that question. And why raise a family just to consign them to the same useless fate?

It's so easy to murder these frail and ugly creatures, but I don't understand the concept of death. I'll never disappear like they do.

Honestly, Madam Red. What did I ever see in you? And yet…I still can't take your coat off.

Grell should stop worrying because it'll give her forehead wrinkles. Just because I'm over one hundred doesn't mean my appearance is going to worsen; I always maintain a healthy figure.

Okay, time to get to work! Checking my Death List, I stride towards my destination. Why walk when I can leap across buildings?

I crouch on a London shop's roof, balancing on my legit heels, and survey the scene below. That woman is happily talking to her sister about a dress she is saving up money to buy. Hmph…I would look much better in a fancy dress than that plain girl. Dresses are so freeing and make an attractive wearer even more beautiful, but pants are so constricting and only for boys. Will, one of these days you'll let me wear a dress to work.

What the girl doesn't know is that she will be murdered in approximately two minutes. There is a man concealed in the shadows of the building, knife clenched in sweaty hands. I've reaped one of his victims before, so I know that he has resorted to murdering high-class women so he can steal their money. He thinks it's better to buy food with money rather than steal food, no matter where that money came from. He is too weak to have a manly job, and women don't fight back-and they don't scream if his knife slits their throats fast enough.

A leering grin spreads across my face as he moves into action. He walks up to the ladies and the sister steps back. They aren't concerned; they figure he is a passing stranger. He asks them for directions, knife in sleeve, and leans in as if to hear their words better. "Good day," My almost-reaped-soul says, eyes focusing back on her sister. That is when his knife-

"Iyaaaaaaa!" I scream as my hair is suddenly jerked.

The man's knife clatters to the ground and the women scream. They run and he curses, knowing his prey his lost. Neither looks up to see the source of their distraction, my ill-timed scream. A single tear drips down the serial killer's eye as he heads off into the distance.

"Sorry, but your hair is too long! It's not _my_ fault it got caught in my scythe," Knox apologizes.

I should have realized; whenever anything goes wrong in my life, it is always Knox's fault in some way or another. "Get my hair _out_!" I order first. The tugging is painful and uncomfortable, wringing tears from my lime eyes. Good thing I was smart enough to buy (read: steal from corpses) water-proof makeup. Knox almost caused me to lose my balance and fall off the building, _and_ he caused that soul I was supposed to reap to escape with her life! That issue will have to be addressed, but first this incident needs to be taken care of.

As my spindly fingers dig into the roof, Knox tugs his lawnmower until my hair finally tumbles out with a ripping sound sure to signify horrendous tears in my prized possession. "Owwww…" I moan. Surveying my hair, I'm dismayed to discover that hair below my waist looks like it has been chewed and torn apart; completely, utterly destroyed. I have to cut it before anything else happens to it. These split ends are an eyesore. With my death scythe, I make a clean cut through my red hair, holding back the tears until I'm alone. Before my beloved hair (the one part of my body that I can control) reached my knees, but now it is only waist-length, long enough for Sebas-chan to run his slender fingers through, but not so short that it conceals my flamboyancy. I vow that my hair will never be as short as it was when I first met Will, neck-length. I could almost be mistaken for a boy then.

"Why did this happen?" I demand, facing my young and stupid shinigami coworker.

"Well, I decided to see if I could reap souls on your Death List faster than you. I was trying to jump over you, but my scythe decided it was hungry for Grell hair or something," He explains, shifting from one white shoe to the other as he takes in my darkening expression.

"You jumped over my head. With your death scythe _on_. You do realize that death scythes are about the only things that can kill us?"

"Yeah, I didn't think this through much." Shrugging, Knox gives an apologetic smile.

"You IDIOT!" I yell. "I can't afford to die before giving birth to Sebas-chan's baby!" My face in anger matches the shade of my shortened hair, and I run up the roof. I slam Knox's head with the blunt side of my immobile weapon. He crumples at my feet. Wow, I didn't know I had enough strength to knock that shinigami out. Oh, well. He'll wake up later, but I have a job to finish now.

Now that the woman who should have died lives, I wonder what she'll make of her life? It won't be much in the grand scheme of things, and that is why I let her die. I wonder if she'll find the man or woman she loves, and I wonder if he or she will love her back. Maybe she'll attain her dreams and move to America, someday opening a teashop. She's not my concern now, and cruel and kind life will toss her about as it wishes.

Next on my list is a man who'll have an accident. At the appointed time, the church bell tears him out of a dream-or nightmare. The man stands up and groggily leans against the brick wall of a belfry. He takes a step forward and slowly opens his eyes. Both feet seem suspended in air, and then he suddenly plummets. A piercing scream disturbs the peace of people sipping afternoon tea, and I am filled with glee as his body becomes a red stain on the ground. Beautiful. Even a beggar, nothing on the human social rank, can be a masterpiece in death.

I leap off the roof and land beside him before humans can pry into the noise. My death scythe reveals cinematic records that I proceed to drink in. This man once had a loving family, but Jack the Ripper (read: Madam Red enlisting my help and protection) killed his lover. He couldn't admit that he was having a meaningful relationship with a prostitute, so he despondently left his family and joined the ranks of the destitute. He really wanted a child, and I understand his yearning, but neither of us can have one. I am infertile in this male body (unless demons are hermaphrodites, which I really hope is the case), and dead humans lose their chance at being fathers.

He scavenged food wherever he could get it, but he was never desperate enough to steal from children as poor as he was. He slept in doorsteps, bushes, alleys; using a newspaper for shelter if anything. Today, he clambered to the high bell tower so he could sleep during the day, fighting off hunger pains by remaining unconscious through them. The church bell rang in the hour of 2, and the loud peal woke him up. He stood up, forgetting where he was, and fell to his death.

I'm here to collect his soul before a demon snatches it up. This man fits the poor status quo, so he isn't special enough to be allowed more life. His death is final, and his corpse will rot until some human gives it to the Undertaker. No further comments.

Soon the souls I reap become a blur. What I remember about the souls is not the lives they led, but the scenes they presented in their death. One woman died of drug overdose, and her emaciated corpse had a serene expression. It's not fun when blood doesn't spill over their bodies and make a pretty picture. A man was beaten to death in a dirty jail cell. My heels tracked dust, but at least his body was oozing crimson from the multitudinous wounds. A young son of a baron choked to death on a chicken bone. He was only five, and to have such a plain death is shameful.

Today, no one stood out to me. I have never once prevented a soul from dying; the only time I wanted to-my first reaping, the final test of shinigami training-Will forcefully stopped me, letting the man bleed in the street after being run over by a carriage. His beautiful manuscript about the tragic love between a human and shinigami fluttered away in the wind, lost in time. I have since forgotten his name and face, but still remember that urge I had to protect him. Perhaps that was a latent motherly instinct that needed to surface, but I hope I didn't waste it on a human.

My favorite times to reap are when there is a large accident; many souls have to be collected in a short time. Then our solitude is lessened by the presence of others of our species, and sometimes Will even has to join us, though begrudgingly. I love being rushed and sashaying from one corpse to the next, ever-so-gently examining their souls. I always win the contest of collecting the most souls because I really enjoy my job, so I've learned how to quickly judge souls.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When I get back to the office at five, Alan asks "How was work this afternoon?"

"I reaped 19 souls," I say, proud of myself.

"Mm, I only judged 5," Alan says. "I'm always very thorough on watching their cinematic records. Today, I didn't save anyone, and I felt kind of bad, but…Grell-san, I think you're right. The more souls I save, the more I'm fighting against nature, and it's not my place to do that." That wasn't what I said, but as long as he stops feeling so sentimental to humans, Alan will be a strong shinigami.

"20," Eric comments as he hangs his saw on the wall. What?! How did he beat me? Curses! "I had to pick up Ronald-kun's slack. He didn't reap a single soul today. If he was getting drunk at some human bar, I am going to wring his neck," Eric continues. On a normal day, my soul count is not beaten, so my joy is curbed. And I was working really fast today, too.

"Speaking of Ronald-kun, where is he?" Our boss asks as he enters the room. "And Sutcliffe, you _need_ to wash off your scythe before putting it away. The janitors don't need to clean blood stains off the wall."

"Sorry," I apologize. But…a bloody scythe looks _so_ much better than a clean one. Why disguise our gory job? I choose to be proud of it. "Oh, and about Knox-kun…I kind of assaulted him. Just a little bit."

As I turn to face my boss and explain, Alan gasps. "Grell, what happened to your hair? It's shorter!" Yay, someone noticed!

"Knox-kun decided to be an idiot today and jump over my head with his death scythe on," I say. "So, he sucked up my hair by mistake and I had to cut it. I was angry so I knocked him out, and he's still probably lying unconscious on the roof of some human building."

Will sighs, pushing up his glasses. "Sutcliffe…it is not your job to dispense justice (or your version of it). We do have a handbook that lists rules all new shinigami read." Did you actually expect me to read that heavy, dusty manual? I don't read; I'm a woman of action. "You weren't even supposed to use your scythe today." Darn it, he remembered. "We'll talk about your punishment in my office, but for now go collect Ronald-kun."

Eh? I don't want to drag that nuisance back here. He's _heavy_. Anyway, Will should realize that I was only acting out of self-preservation. However, my boss doesn't change his mind, so it looks like today I'll have this little bit of overtime.

As I prepare to leave the office, Knox staggers into it. "Hi," He says groggily. "I'm in a lot of pain because of Grell-senpai right now, but I'll make it. Thanks for your concern."

Eric strides over him and grabs his arm, helping him sink into a chair. "Do you need anything?" He asks. Wow, I wouldn't have expected Eric to be this pampering, but I guess everyone has a hidden side.

"A fine wine would do," Knox says.

"Come to my room after work," Eric whispers, which is pretty pointless since we can still hear him. Will chooses to ignore the potential threat of alcohol and instead gestures to me. I wave to my coworkers as our job is over the day. Soon, I'm standing in Will's undecorated office.

"Sutcliffe…" He starts, combing back his black hair. "Today, I am going to teach you something: the difference between appropriate and inappropriate actions. It is inappropriate to arrive late to work, use the opposite gender's bathroom, attack your coworker with your scythe, daydream about that demon, be unproductive during work by watching porn or procrastinating with your reports, leave your seat to run around the Library, threaten other shinigami, throw your coworker across the table, and knock your coworker out. In other words, everything you do is inappropriate. Do you understand?"

"Somewhat. I don't see the problem with a girl using the girl's bathroom." I try not to spend too much time in there, although I'd love to fix my hair and makeup at every opportunity.

Will looks at me as if trying to judge my seriousness. "Grell-kun. You are not female. If you were, you would be a secretary, not Dispatch."

I roll my eyes. "Just because you are deluding yourself about my gender, don't expect _me_ too. It's very rude for you to refer to me with male pronouns, and it in fact bothers me a _lot_. My name is Grell Sutcliffe, and I am the most beautiful woman in the world, lucky enough to be Sebas-chan's fiancée. I don't put up with slander even if it comes from my boss."

"Look, we are not going to have this argument again. Your tone was disrespectful; that is, again, inappropriate. I cannot let your actions slide and have to administer a punishment. You cannot use your death scythe until further notice. Also, you are going to have to clean the library where our Death Lists are kept for an hour of unpaid overtime after work every day next week." Ugh, the boring library! What worse punishment can there be? How can I go without talking for an hour, and with no one for company except my thoughts?

"Okay," I say, shrugging. "Toodles, William-san~!" My boss sometimes annoys me, but I think he has my best interests at heart. For now, his cold exterior tries in every way to oppose the blooming attraction and romance between us. That's just how Sebastian is too, even though the demon is going to marry me. One way or another, I will be a happy bride.

Now that work is done, I immediately head to Knox's room. He can't forget his promise to come to my room, even if I have to drag him by his orange hair. When I open the door without knocking (ignoring his sign that says "No unsolicited visitors. This means _you_, Grell-senpai"), I find Alan and Eric also in his room.

"Oh, he's here!" Knox groans, cringing away.

"She isn't going to hurt you again-right, Grell-san?" Alan asks.

"No, I just wanted to see if you're okay," I say, smiling sweetly as I step into the room. Closing the door behind me, I check out the shinigami in their after-work clothes. Knox is shirtless and barefoot, wearing Hawaiian-patterned shorts. Eric is holding a compress to Knox's forehead, decked out in skinny jeans and a black T-shirt that showcases his bulging muscles. Alan wears a loose white shirt that makes him look girly with simple gray sweatpants. I wish I thought to change into a crimson day gown before coming here.

"Well, I'm _not_," Knox complains. "So you can leave now."

"Thanks for so kindly inviting me to stay," I say, sitting on his bed and kicking off my heels.

Eric levels a look at me. "Grell…do you have to be difficult? Ronald-kun doesn't want company right now, okay?"

Alan stands up. "We can take a walk, Grell-san. I wanted to talk to you anyway."

I shrug, not in the mood for a fight. "Okay, then let's go, Alan. I have to change first, though. Maybe we can go stalk Sebas-chan!"

Alan waves goodbye to his future-boyfriend as we leave the room. I book it to my room and pull off my clothes, turning away from the full-length mirror. Tears slide down my cheeks as I try to decide what dress to wear. Why did Knox have to chop off my hair, of all things? Hair is a woman's _pride_, and it's the only part of my body that doesn't make me cringe. And now, my hair is shortened.

I sigh, braiding a quick ponytail. Adding more embroidered handkerchiefs to my stuffed corset, I shimmy into a red day gown tied at the waist by a mammoth black ribbon that Alan sewed himself. Two years ago, Alan decided that shinigami need birthdays, although it's been so long that none of us remember the actual dates. He affixed my birthday as Valentine's Day; a sort of cosmic joke on a single lady. Alan goes all out in his presents, too (unlike Knox, who threw a 'party' for me; and Eric, who gave me his regards; and my boss, who gave me a grand total of nothing). He also sewed the matching lace gloves that have 'Lady Death' embroidered in tiny black cursive, and this deep red bonnet. Two years ago, he sewed the stuffed doll that is my nighttime companion. Alan learned to sew from Eric, since 'everything a woman can do, of course a man can do.' This is sad, since I have not the first clue when it comes to sewing. Maybe Alan will teach me for next year's present.

Touching up my makeup, I rejoin Alan. I got ready in only fifteen minutes; that was fast. "That dress still fits you?" He asks.

"Yes, thanks. I still _love_ it," I say. Slipping my gloved hand into his, I ask, "Now, what did you want to talk about?"

Alan blushes a little. "Well, I don't…we should leave the Library so we can talk in private. We can have some fun in the human world. Maybe we can go to a concert or park or something? It's been a while since we've hung out, Grell-san. What do you want to do?"

Friends don't go after a man only one is attracted to. Now, if both of us were hot and bothered for Sebas-chan, that would be completely different, but I guess we can add some normalcy to our lives now. I cannot guess what Alan wants to talk about, but I'm glad we can finally hang out as good friends do. "Let's visit London," I suggest. "We can eat supper in a park and then browse some stores. I need to buy more shoes, after all." A lady can never have enough shoes.

Alan nods. We exit the Library, and I blow a kiss to the scrupulous guard. As we walk to a park, we pass a poor beggar girl. Alan gives her a nickel for an orange even though it's only worth a penny, then looks after her with pity. I want to reprimand him for worrying about a human, but the look he gave her was really sweet. "I was surprised that Eric-san was being so kind to Knox-kun today," I comment as he unfolds a blanket for our impromptu picnic.

"You haven't noticed before? Eric-san feels it's his responsibility to help younger shinigami. If you ever have problems, he'll help you too." _Me_? Oh, maybe Eric is nice to other people, but he's the kind of person who would stick his leg out to trip me as I run past. But today…he was different. He wasn't nice to me, but he wasn't that mean either. Maybe Eric has a kind interior, but you have to get past the hard exterior first, just like the orange Alan's peeling.

After the citrusy fruit whets our appetite, Alan and I buy ice cream from a vendor. Today, I try mint chocolate chip while he gets chocolate. As our main course, we buy garden salads. I feel guilty for wishing that Sebas-chan was sharing this meal with me. No, Alan is great company and an amazing friend.

Finally settled back on the picnic blanket, I kick off my heels and wriggle my toes in the breeze. Alan leans against a tree and we devour our dinner. Shinigami are just as ravenous as humans. My heart jerks when a butler clad in black passes us, but it's just some average human, not my darling demon fiancé. Sebas-chan has been skimping on a ring, but I hope he seals the deal soon enough-or this lady could find herself some other non-human husband.

"Eric-san is who I want to talk about," Alan says after we finish eating.

"Mm-hmm." Yes, you may recount The Kiss in all its glorious detail.

"It's been on my mind a lot recently, but you're really the only one I can talk to about this." Ooh, someone trusts me. I hope I don't disappoint him. "See…I…I really like Eric," Alan admits.

"I know," I say.

"You…you do?" He asks, fixing me with those piercing green eyes.

"It's obvious from the way you act around each other. I can see how much you trust each other, and I've been shipping you two for quite a while, actually." I bend my feet under my legs and smile at him.

"Yes, well…I'm serious. I've never felt this way about anyone before. This isn't just some infatuation. Eric and I…we've been best friends for quite a while. I fell for him on our first assignment. I showed him the flower Erica, which stands for loneliness. Only, I didn't feel lonely standing at his side. And now, I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm in love with Eric. But I don't know what to do!" Alan, agitated, looks to me for answers.

"Simple. Tell him what you feel," I offer.

"But, Grell, I don't know if he feels the same way about me! And I know you told Sebastian what you feel about him, but he just blew you off. I don't want to ruin our friendship…" Worried, Alan trails off and closes his eyes.

"Look, Sebas-chan is a demon; he's harder to crack. And this isn't about him, anyway." It's unusual when something isn't about Sebas-chan, but it _can_ happen. "Alan, don't be blind. Eric loves you too! I talked to him today, and he admitted that he's gay. Obviously, it's not like he crushes on our boss (that's my job) or Knox, so he likes you. And for such a reticent man, he has to have fallen for you pretty hard too. You shouldn't waste this opportunity or ruin it. Tell him how you feel already!" There, that was pretty sound advice.

Alan shifts, chewing on his lower lip. "Just walk up to him and…?"

"No, no, no," I interrupt hastily. "You have to be romantic; that's your job as the _uke_. You said you bonded over that flower? Well, give him a dozen!"

Alan picks at the grass absentmindedly. "Okay…"

"And if he doesn't pick up the hint, or if he turns you away, he's a bigger idiot than I thought," I finish.

"Grell, you don't understand him."

"Of course I don't," I exclaim, brushing away an errant bang. "It's not my job to. Eric is _yours_ and you are his. Reciprocated love is such a rare and beautiful opportunity, and I do know that nothing is going to happen if you two keep trying to hide your heart's feelings."

Alan is silent and brings his hands together while looking at the ground in contemplation. For a few minutes, the only noise is our breathing. A proud glow flushes my cheeks as I realize that if I ever quit being a shinigami, I have a real chance at being a matchmaker. Just look at how easily I've set Eric and Alan up! And now, whenever I'm bored at work, I can just vicariously experience their PDA.

"Thanks, Grell-san. That really helped. I think I just needed someone to be frank with me." Yep; you know me, the frankest girl around. I tell the truth without an alteration because that's what my love does. "Do you still want to go shopping?"

_Hell_ yeah! But that's not an expression a lady can use in public. "That would be wonderful, my dear friend." See? Politeness is an art, although it isn't as fun or easy as murder. (Reaping souls isn't the same thing, but sometimes I ignore the Death List and kill whom I please…with severe repercussions.)

"Sono ichi: shinigami wa megane chakuyou no koto," I sing under my breath as we walk to the stores. The shinigami theme song seems like the perfect way to serenade Sebas-chan: I can show him how serious about my job, and then afterwards how serious I am about _him_…Alan and I pass up a fancy horse-drawn carriage, instead preferring to stretch our legs. "Sono ni: desu saisu wo…"

England does have some beautiful stores. It's so much easier to collect money rather than use it-as I hope one day my money will buy me a real girl's body, someday in the future-and such a perfect job, I would gladly do for free. I'm so glad I can live the action among humans rather than being a dreary secretary. Most of the time, I'll salvage resources from humans I've reaped, but excursions to stores are a necessity. My makeup supply is fine right now and I don't have enough money with me for a new dress-but shoes? Shoes always sound nice.

High heels are a special pleasure for me. With heels, I can draw myself up to majestic heights and intimidate naysayers. Also, when I can't use my death scythe, I can protect myself with a combination of safety scissors and a heel-kick to the pants. Heels truly are multipurpose: they make any woman look gorgeous, and they are an efficient weapon. What more could you want out of one object?

I settle on a pink pair. They are half-a-foot high and are chiseled to a fine tip. The material is a leathery cloth that boasts comfort and durability. A thin rose ribbon wraps around my ankle and a red jewel shines above my toes. This is a wonderful purchase for a short and unplanned excursion.

Alan decides to get a souvenir for Eric, so I must do the same for Sebas-chan. I'll give him _everything_, but what happiness can a human store provide a demon? Hmm…he obviously has resources like clothes and food easily purchased on a butler's wages…but extravagance? He clearly misses it. I know he has a thing for cats, but I'm not about to kidnap a live animal and send them through postage. The next best thing? Myself. However, I don't believe I fit inside a package. I could show up on his doorstep, but Sebas-chan doesn't have a special date like a birthday when that surprise would be appreciated.

Why must cold men be so difficult to please? A woman could spend the rest of her life trying to comprehend that enigma!

"What are you getting Eric-san?" I ask Alan, careful not to let the tinge of desperation register in my voice.

"Erica flowers," He smiles at me. Sure enough, he clutches a dozen sweet-smelling flowers in his hands. Alan loves my idea! Go Team Grell! But…what about Sebas-chan?

I purchase a box of chocolates, hoping that it suffices. Chocolates are commonplace, but they are also delicious and clearly indicate a romantic desire. And I have plenty of those, for sure. Before delivering my gift to a post office, I write in a flowing red script "To my darling Sebas-chan. Love your fiancée Grelly~" As they melt in his mouth and he savors them, he'll think of me with a grin! Oh, Sebas-chan…

The night air is brisk as we return to the Library at a quarter to eight. I curse myself for forgetting a fan (not that it would be practical in the cold) and wave goodbye to Alan before heading to my room. I hope he and Eric are an official couple tomorrow. I might as well fall asleep now. Today has been too hectic to bother getting drunk (Knox is still probably seething at me, so he would refuse to take me, and then I'd have to punish him, and then our cycle of vengeance would start again), and there'll be plenty of time for that tomorrow. I wanted Knox to come to my room so I could use him as a dress-up doll, but I have myself for that.

I slip into my pretty little night gown after getting ready for bed. For some reason, my eyes are heavy and welcome the chance of sleep. Today was a good day. I can't say that for every day, but this one was. I didn't see both my loves, but I pissed off one of them. I annoyed two other shinigami, but had a really nice time with Alan today. Reaping today was also fun, even though my hair got severed in the process. I'm really too tough of a woman to be bothered by it for long. My hair grows back unusually fast anyway.

I open my lace curtains and gaze outside. The darkness is absolute, but instead of being foreboding, it calms me. Is this scene the same my love gazes upon? He swore on the moon before, and now that moon shelters me with her eerie glow. A smile lifts up my lips as I shimmy under my blankets. I hug the stuffed bunny tight, imagining that its little button eyes are the red ones of Sebas-chan. One day, he and I will be falling asleep in each other's arms. For now, my restless soul yearns for him, but I can still have this peaceful and fulfilled life surrounded by friends. Today was a good day, and may the next be good also.


End file.
